Merry Mithras Day!

This was an email forward that I received this week.  Somebody wrote up about the war on Christmas and religious persecution using "The Night Before Christmas" and changing the words.  I was just going to write a normal blog ranting about all the things I disagreed with about it but then, while talking to a friend about it, got the idea to do the same thing but as a rebuttal.  So below is the original email that annoyed me to no end and then below that is what I wrote.

Original:

Twas the month before Christmas when all through our land,

Not a Christian was praying nor taking a stand.

Why the PC Police had taken away

The reason for Christmas - no one could say.

The children were told by their schools not to sing

About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.

It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say

December 25th is just a ' Holiday '.

Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit

Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!

CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-Pod

Something was changing, something quite odd!

Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa

In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.

As Targets were hanging their trees upside down

At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.

At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears

You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.

Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-is-ty

Are words that were used to intimidate me.

Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen

On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton !

At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter

To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.

And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith

Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace

The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded

The reason for the season, stopped before it started.

So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree'

Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.

Choose your words carefully, choose what you say

Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS,

not Happy Holiday !

Please, all Christians join together and

wish everyone you meet

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Christ is The Reason for the Christ-mas Season!

If you agree please forward, if not, simply delete.

Rebuttal:

Twas the month before Xmas and that time of year 

For some Christians to bother anyone who would hear:

"You're ruining Christmas with your "Holiday" trash

Just stick with Merry Christmas and we'll no longer clash!

Put Christ back in Christmas and we'll have a swell season

Christian or not, there is only one reason!"

"They've taken our faith!" they exclaimed with a clatter

"We can't talk about Jesus or the things we think matter!"

While the truth really is that we all have free speech 

and our government doesn't control what you preach.

You're welcome to say what you want in your church 

In private, to family, that's a reasonable perch 

But to complain that publicly-paid institutions

Won't bow down to your "Christian" rights resolutions 

Is a misunderstanding of Church and of state 

And how they're separate; I'll illustrate:

In exchange for permission to believe what you want

and the freedom to practice all the faith that you flaunt;

your religion has no say, (and this isn't a flaw)

in deciding the things that should or shouldn't be law.

Now Muslims, now Hindus, now Buddists and Jews

Atheists or any other stand that you choose

Don't they get a vote, shouldn't they get a say

In how we all celebrate this pagan holiday?

The real meaning of Christmas, from when it first started

Is all about Mithras and from that we've departed

Each year he is actually re-born in December

He's the Sun God and I hope you'll always remember

On the shortest and darkest day of the year

He returns to us and for that we can cheer

The return of long and warm days to come

Due to Mithras each day growing some

So please join me in joy of this festival season

And remember Mithras is the true, ORIGINAL reason

Please all people, join together in enjoying warm houses, food and drinks in this cold weather, being a little extra generous to your fellow man and understanding that nobody has the monopoly on this holiday.

 Please wish everyone you meet some form of good will statement that conveys your wishes for joy and peace.

Happy Holidays! Merry Mithras Day! Seasons Greetings! Merry Christmas!

The Case for Christ

My father in law lent the Case for Christ by Lee Strobel to me to read and I’ve finally gotten around to it in the last few days. I was very disappointed for a few reasons.
I went into it with an open mind but also with the inability to shut off my critical thinking muscle. I thought, “This will be great! I’ve looked at a lot of evidence from both sides from all different sources but it’s nice that someone put it all together in one book.” WRONG. I was open to examining all the evidence again from both sides and seeing if I perhaps came to a different conclusion (instead of atheism) based on good evidence and arguments. Unfortunately, it seems to be a very biased book: the author is already Christian WHILE he’s doing the interviews, out of 13 interviews, 13 interviewees are Christian, and any evidence from the other side is only brought up to these Christians to throw out the window. Not once does he ask someone who thinks differently and asks them why they do – he asks the Christians what other people think and why. Ugh. Truly frustrating. I understand why so many Christians find that this book has strengthened their faith – Lee found “smart” people to confirm everything he already believes and presents counter arguments as “weak” and easily torn down – never once confronting someone who stands by those counter arguments.
2. Even though I mentioned this above, I want to expound on it.  Lee Strobel is a Christian!  The whole time!  See I was under the impression and I don't quite remember why, that Lee starts out as an atheist/skeptic who goes around collecting evidence for the case for Christ and ends up converting.  I was starting to get suspicious while reading because a) Lee doesn't sound like a skeptic.  Sure he brings up points that skeptics have brought up but when the Christian apologists that he's interviewing give him an answer, good or bad, he basically says, "Huh, that sounds good.   I'll take it!", since it boosts his bias. b) at one point, an apologist says, "The odds alone say it would be impossible for anyone to fulfill the Old Testament prophecies...Yet Jesus-- and only Jesus throughout all of history---managed to do it." and Lee writes: The words of the apostle Peter popped into my head: "But the things which God announced beforehand by the mouth of all the prophets, that His Christ should suffer, He has thus fulfilled" (Acts 3:18)  Seriously?  I was a Christian and I didn't have the Bible memorized but I still knew most of it's main verses and I don't know that one well enough to just have it "pop" into my head, but apparently Lee, the skeptic does? c) I cheated and looked at the back of the book and happened across the part where Lee describes his conversion. Later, while reading the book in order, I read that Lee has met the apologist he is now interviewing.  They were at a debate together: Lee was the moderator, William Lane Craig was the Christian debater and an unnamed atheist was the other debater. That right there bugged me: that they weren't naming this person.  I wanted to know if it was some random or a well known atheist debater and I don't understand why they didn't just include his or her name.  So I googled it: it's Christopher Hitchens - one of THE best atheist debaters of late.  The other thing I found out was that this debate happened in 2009.  No big deal right? At least it's fairly recent.  The problem is, Lee became a Christian in 1981.  This was my first proof that Lee wrote this book as a Christian looking to preach to the choir, not a skeptic looking for answers.  My second proof immediately followed when I took a closer look at the paragraph at the end of the book describing Lee's conversion.  Had I read it completely the first time instead of skimming I would have noticed this: "My investigation into Jesus was similar to what you've just read, except that I primarily studied books and other historical research instead of personally interacting with scholars."  He's admitting right here (at the end of the book mind you, after you've gone the whole way assuming he's a skeptic) that this book full of interviews wasn't actually his journey - that happened long before. d) the way he describes God is definitely from a Christian point of view, not a skeptics.  He's looking at whether Jesus really was God and stating that if he was, he'd have to be LIKE God. So what is God like?  According to Lee and many Christians, "He's loving, he's holy, he's righteous, he's wise, he's just." (pg 156)  According to Richard Dawkins, an atheist: "The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, meglomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully." (The God Delusion) I'd think that if Lee really was a skeptic, he'd at least land somewhere in the middle - between the two descriptions, not in the middle of the Christian camp.
3. One of the issues I had with Lee was pretty much right from the start.  First, he talks about a case where the suspect shot a police officer in a scuffle.  It was an airtight case according to the evidence - even the suspect pleaded guilty.  When the case is over and the suspect is sentenced, a source calls Lee to tell him about pen guns.  This leads Lee to reconsider all the evidence that so clearly pointed in one direction and see that it also fit another scenario - one where the police officer is carrying this illegal pen gun and it actually misfired in the scuffle.  Totally different story - but the evidence fit both stories.  He applies this to the evidence for Christ.  He describes what he thought about God, Jesus, Christianity, etc. and admits that all he'd ever given was a cursory glance to the evidence surrounding all things Jesus.  He goes on to say that he'd read enough to convince himself that he didn't need to look any further into it and he did so because he had a "strong motivation" to do so: "a self-serving and immoral lifestyle that I would be compelled to abandon if I were ever to change my views and become a follower of Jesus." And so he wonders if the evidence (that he's hardly looked at) could tell a different story.  Here are my issues: 1. He didn't have a good reason for being a skeptic in the first place - he hadn't really looked at it either way and he reasoned if it WAS true, he'd have to change his life which he didn't necessarily want to do. 2. Lee unfortunately reinforces the myth that atheists don't believe in God because they want to do awful things and not be held accountable.  I'd be interested to know what sort of immoral things Lee was doing before he became a Christian.  Maybe he wasn't as generous as he felt he could be or he felt bad for not going to church. I really have my doubts that his story is the kind where Jesus saves him from crime/drugs/sex/tattoos/oujia boards/etc.  Atheist is to immoral as standing in a garage is to car. Either way, Lee was not coming from anywhere near where I am coming from. 3. Lee doesn't follow his own advice about the idea of evidence being able to tell two different stories - because in his book, he only tells one.  I was at least willing to look at both sides.

In the end, I haven't lost any respect for my father in law - I know that he is sincere and he is doing his best to make sure he has good reasons for what he believes which I admire. I also realize that he cares about me and was only trying to share what he thought are strong arguments for Christianity. Lee, on the other hand, I am extremely disappointed in. I hope his only desire was to further convince Christians of their faith because his book will have either no effect or an adverse one on non believers. I have no respect for someone who claims to have looked at both sides of the story and promises to present them to you and then only tells one side. I'd be a lot less upset if his book was called "why you should believe Jesus was God" or "proof that Jesus was the Christ" and then he states his intentions to only talk about the evidence that helps his side. It would be honest at least. And you're allowed to write biased books - but I think you should be honest about it, not pretend to be objective.

People can surprise you

So in my last post, I explained how "coming out" to my Dad went and had a tiny little freak out just thinking about telling my mom.  I promised I would update when I came up with the guts to tell her about my lack of faith - the time has come.

I went to visit my mom two weekends ago and as I had planned, we eventually went for a walk.  I told her that I had something that I wanted to talk to her about and that I would appreciate if she just listened first and asked questions after.  I gave her the long story of how I got to where I am and I could actually see her nodding along while I talked which made me think that she had no idea where I was going with this.  I don't know, maybe she did, but the way she was reacting made me think she was expecting me to tell her that I had doubts but now my faith is stronger than ever, rather than I had doubts and now I don't believe in God.  When I finally said it, I don't think she really reacted at all, which made me keep jabbering away until she had  something to say.  Although her reaction was much more positive than I was expecting, the things she talked about were expected.  Things like "hell is real" and "there's no atheists in fox holes" and "what if you're wrong?" and "you have to experience God in order to know he's real".  After three and a half hours of talking about it, I was spent and it was time for me to go home.  I was getting frustrated with the conversation and decided to tell her that I needed to stop talking about it for now.  She brought up a few more things and unfortunately, I didn't stay as calm as I would have liked.  I think that's what I'm most disappointed about - my eventual lack of calm because it makes me seem like I'm not as settled in my new lack of faith as I really am.  She, on the other hand, stayed very calm. Hence the "people can surprise you". So it went well. Much better than I expected. And I learned something.

I've told people that if God shows himself to me, I would believe in him - my problem is just that I don't have any proof of his existence. But I think that just believing in God wouldn't be enough because according to the Bible, you have to worship him too and give him your life and obey him completely and I wouldn't be ok with that.  So even if God showed up and therefore I had to believe him to be real, I still wouldn't necessarily become a Christian.

First, I'm not ok with completely handing my life over to someone else and doing everything they say.  Then I'm just a pawn.  What's the point of my life if I'm just living it for someone else?  I enjoy making my own decisions, with input from others that I trust or from other's who are impacted by a decision I make.  I enjoy using my mind to solve a problem or think creatively.  If God is such a god that would require that I give up thinking for myself, I don't think I want him.

Second, I'm not ok with the things that he apparently requires of people or tells them to do. IF the Bible is true and an accurate depiction of what God is like, I don't like him, agree with him, or think he's worthy of any sort of praise.  I don't like that he expected Adam and Eve to blindly obey him without them knowing why or even knowing about good and evil.  I don't like that when he's unhappy with how his creation turned out down the road, he kills nearly all of it off.  I don't like that he's against humanity bettering itself and outright moves against it (Babel).  I don't agree with him that it's ok to slaughter an entire people - men, women, and children (excluding the virgin women of course) - because they are not doing things your way (multiple old testament stories).  I don't agree with him that children should be killed or almost killed because their parents screwed up, God hardened their parent's heart or because God wants to know just how devoted their parent is (David and Bathsheba, Egyptian first borns, Abraham and Isaac).  Outside of the Bible and just thinking of real life, if God is real, he is undeserving of worship or praise. His priorities are messed up: providing fancy cars for preachers in the west while starving children in third world countries, requiring blind faith and trust over critical thinking and evidence, and requiring humans to attribute everything good to him, even good things we do or things we do well, and take every failure onto ourselves.  I don't think the God described in the Bible or by Christians is a good or loving god and if he does exist, I don't think I want anything to do with him.  I'd fight him the same as I'd fight any human that would do the same things.  I've had someone else tell me that I think my morals are better than God's but that they are really just different morals.  That just because God is a god, his morals must be better but that's just another reason I don't like "God" - he has a double standard.  I don't think gods should have a lower standard than mortals, if anything, greater power demands greater accountability.

Whew!  Now that you know what I've learned, I'll tell you how I learned it while talking with my mom.  My mom wants me to experience God and at first, to prove that I don't believe in God because I hate him, I asked how I was supposed to do that.  Basically, her answer was for me to start over: to pray the sinner's prayer and be open to God. I've tried that and I'm done trying.  If God wants me to experience him, he'll have to come find me.  But our conversation ended by her telling me that the first thing I should do after I invite Jesus into my heart is to tell someone and that she'd be waiting by the phone and it was then that I realized that she really didn't get it.  I'm not wasting any more of my time with this: a) because I really don't think that I'll find God if I go looking and b) as stated before, I don't think I'd want him, even if I did find him so what's the point?

So I guess I should say that while I don't hate God (because as I said in another post, how can I hate something that doesn't exist?),  I don't like the idea of God and I don't plan on searching it out in hopes that it's real - because I'd rather it wasn't.  Now, I don't agree with believing or not believing in something because you hope or don't hope it's real.  That doesn't actually define reality.  But I feel like I've done a lot of looking at both sides and this side seems to be a more realistic picture of reality and if I'm going to be doing any searching, it's Atheism that I owe at least 10+ more years to - Christianity and God have had enough of my time to prove themselves.

Telling the 'rents

So I said that I would post an update when I eventually "came out" to my parents - this is half an update and half a post of worries.  I've told my father but not my mother so I'll tell you how my father took it and write about how nervous I am to tell my mother.

My dad listened as I told him about my questions and how my answers have led me to not believe in God anymore.  He very simply said that he would leave it between God and me and if God is real, and he thinks he is, He will show Himself to me.  I replied that that would be fine with me, that I'm not against God, I just haven't found enough reason to believe in Him and that He showed Himself undeniably to me, I would believe, but that I just can't decide to believe, I need to be convinced.  Holy run-on sentence.  I think that's still true (that if God showed Himself to me, I would believe in Him), however, I'm beginning to wonder if I would follow Him.  The more I look at it, the more I think, that even if God does exist, I don't think He's good or worthy of being followed and would likely refuse Him anyway.  I know that to a lot of Christians that sounds pretty harsh and I probably sound exactly like what they think an atheist is: not someone who disbelieves God but hates Him and is choosing to refuse Him even though He is "so obvious".  I think it makes a lot of sense and I promise to post in the future to clarify.  For right now, I'm just posting about my parents.

So dad took it pretty well.  I didn't really know how he would take it because sometimes about some things, he's very faith/religion oriented but at other times with other things, he's more practical and realistic.  I kinda feel like his response was a balanced one from his life - a little bit of both.

My mum on the other hand is full out religion oriented.  I've actually considered not telling her at all because I don't want to burden her with the thought that (according to her beliefs) I won't join her in heaven someday.  However, mum and I were pretty close growing up, and had a lot of talks encouraging each other in Christianity and even though, again, I haven't given any her any reason to think I still believe all that, I haven't started outright "sinning" either so she, along with all the other Christians in my life, assume I'm still one.  Therefore, mum still talks with me like we used to and I definitely feel like I'm being dishonest with her.  I'm hoping to visit her this weekend and go for a walk and tell her. I don't want to be in her house when I tell her because I feel like she would feel cornered and I want to give her the space and chance to not invite me back in that day.  I understand that it will be a lot for her to process.  I also plan and on telling her the long version of my story.  With most people that I've told, I given a little intro and then got right to the point: I don't believe in God anymore.  With mum, I'm going to start at the beginning and slowly get to my point.  Hopefully that way, she's be eased into it and before I get to the punch line, she'll already be guessing at it and attempting to prepare herself. And hopefully, if she starts crying, or yelling, or begging, or questioning, or maybe not speaking at all, I can stay calm.

That's how I figure coming out to mum will go. But a good friend once told me, "People can surprise you." so we'll see how it goes and I'll definitely update when it's done.

Things I want to post to Facebook but can't - yet #6

Hank's Butt

This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:

John: "Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."

Mary: "Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's butt with us."

Me: "Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would I want to kiss His butt?"

John: "If you kiss Hank's butt, He'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, He'll kick the snot out of you."

Me: "What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"

John: "Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do whatever He wants, and what He wants is to give you a million dollars, but He can't until you kiss His butt."

Me: "That doesn't make any sense. Why..."

Mary: "Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the butt?"

Me: "Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."

John: "Then come kiss Hank's butt with us."

Me: "Do you kiss Hank's butt often?"

Mary: "Oh yes, all the time..."

Me: "And has He given you a million dollars?"

John: "Well no. You don't actually get the money until you leave town."

Me: "So why don't you just leave town now?"

Mary: "You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the money, and He kicks the snot out of you."

Me: "Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's butt, left town, and got the million dollars?"

John: "My mother kissed Hank's butt for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."

Me: "Haven't you talked to her since then?"

John: "Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it."

Me: "So what makes you think He'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"

Mary: "Well, He gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty-dollar bill on the street."

Me: "What's that got to do with Hank?"

John: "Hank has certain 'connections.'"

Me: "I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."

John: "But it's a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don't kiss Hank's butt He'll kick the snot out of you."

Me: "Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to Him, get the details straight from Him..."

Mary: "No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank."

Me: "Then how do you kiss His butt?"

John: "Sometimes we just blow Him a kiss, and think of His butt. Other times we kiss Karl's butt, and he passes it on."

Me: "Who's Karl?"

Mary: "A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing Hank's butt. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."

Me: "And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank wanted you to kiss His butt, and that Hank would reward you?"

John: "Oh no! Karl has a letter he got from Hank years ago explaining the whole thing. Here's a copy; see for yourself."

From the Desk of Karl
1. Kiss Hank's butt and He'll give you a million dollars when you leave town.
2. Use alcohol in moderation.
3. Kick the snot out of people who aren't like you.
4. Eat right.
5. Hank dictated this list Himself.
6. The moon is made of green cheese.
7. Everything Hank says is right.
8. Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
9. Don't use alcohol.
10. Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.
11. Kiss Hank's butt or He'll kick the snot out of you.

Me: "This appears to be written on Karl's letterhead."

Mary: "Hank didn't have any paper."

Me: "I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's handwriting."

John: "Of course, Hank dictated it."

Me: "I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?"

Mary: "Not now, but years ago He would talk to some people."

Me: "I thought you said He was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the snot out of people just because they're different?"

Mary: "It's what Hank wants, and Hank's always right."

Me: "How do you figure that?"

Mary: "Item 7 says 'Everything Hank says is right.' That's good enough for me!"

Me: "Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up."

John: "No way! Item 5 says 'Hank dictated this list himself.' Besides, item 2 says 'Use alcohol in moderation,' Item 4 says 'Eat right,' and item 8 says 'Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.' Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true, too."

Me: "But 9 says 'Don't use alcohol.' which doesn't quite go with item 2, and 6 says 'The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."

John: "There's no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As far as 6 goes, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for sure."

Me: "Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock..."

Mary: "But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from out of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese."

Me: "I'm not really an expert, but I think the theory that the Moon was somehow 'captured' by the Earth has been discounted*. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it cheese."

John: "Ha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Hank is always right!"

Me: "We do?"

Mary: "Of course we do, Item 7 says so."

Me: "You're saying Hank's always right because the list says so, the list is right because Hank dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated it because the list says so. That's circular logic, no different than saying 'Hank's right because He says He's right.'"

John: "Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come around to Hank's way of thinking."

Me: "But...oh, never mind. What's the deal with wieners?"

Mary: She blushes.

John: "Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It's Hank's way. Anything else is wrong."

Me: "What if I don't have a bun?"

John: "No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."

Me: "No relish? No Mustard?"

Mary: She looks positively stricken.

John: He's shouting. "There's no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"

Me: "So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?"

Mary: Sticks her fingers in her ears."I am not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la."

John: "That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that..."

Me: "It's good! I eat it all the time."

Mary: She faints.

John: He catches Mary. "Well, if I'd known you were one of those I wouldn't have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the snot out of you I'll be there, counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Hank's butt for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."
With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off.

http://www.jhuger.com/kisshankbutt.php

Things I want to post to Facebook but can't-yet #5

Why I am Unconvinced that there is a god (1999)

Because there is no proof, not one shred, that a god of any sort exists. Be honest... there is no physical evidence. If there were evidence, there wouldn't be any need for faith. There is also no evidence of heaven, hell, a devil or demons, or angels, or an afterlife.
Because there is no need, or use for, a god. A god is not necessary to explain the origins of things, or people, or morality-- there are rational, worldly explanations that actually make sense.

Because we cannot speculate on what a god is made of, or how he came into existence. We cannot imagine how he creates things and people, knows everything, or why he did what he allegedly did. Because a god just doesn't make sense.

Because a good god would be useless if he were not powerful, and a powerful god would not deserve worship unless he is good-- but there is no all powerful, good god, otherwise there would be no imperfection or suffering in the world.

Because the bible, the most widespread "proof" of god, is unreliable as a source of accurate information. It is internally inconsistent and contradictory, historically wrong, and filled with deep moral problems. The bible cannot be considered or consulted in the question of whether or not there is a god. It is no evidence at all.

Because the history of god-belief is rife with ignorance, superstition, intolerance, persecution, cruelty and hatred. Those people believed just as firmly in their faith as anyone alive today. This makes it more likely that religion was invented by people who wanted to control other people.

Because theology has fought and resisted nearly every major scientific discovery. Instead of embracing new knowledge, religion fears it. Religion resist liberty and reform, and freedom of information and freedom of thought.

Because god-belief was invented in the earliest days of man's ignorance. People did not know anything yet. They thought the world was flat, that disease, hurricanes, earthquakes, thunder and droughts were all caused by gods. It is unbelievable that primitive man guessed wrongly about everything else, but discovered "the truth" about the origin of life. It is more believable that god(s) were invented by primitive people for the following reasons:

to explain natural events that they couldn't understand
they had an inability to cope with their fears of a death that was final and absolute
they had a need to provide enforceable laws with divine penalties
they had a child-like need to feel watched over and protected by a loving, powerful father-figure
Another reason for the continuation of religion is that the positions of power held by holy men depended on the beliefs of their followers.

Because everything that science has now described in detail were previously believed to be the exclusive handiwork of god-- from the origins of life, to the cause of natural phenomena (earthquakes, lightning and volcanoes, in fact all of the natural world), to the formation of stars and our own world, to the causes of mental illness and diseases...virtually everything you can think of. Religion retreats, loses ground, whenever a new fact is discovered. No new discovery HAS EVER supported a religious explanation of ANYTHING.

Because there is no evidence of communication with a god of any kind. Prayers are answered no more often than by flipping a coin, despite the fact it says in the bible that you need only ask, and ye shall receive. People report having a personal relationship with god, but they cannot demonstrate that this is not merely their imaginations and self-delusion.

I am unconvinced, and all the threats of eternal damnation cannot convince me.

I'm like Doubting Thomas... I'll believe when I put my hand in Christ's side.... until then, no. When someone can tell me the following, then it would at least be possible to accept the existence of a god:

What God is made of?

What is "spirit" made of?

Where are heaven and hell?

How did God make everything, and from what did he make it?

Where did God come from?

Why did God exist alone in an empty nothingness for an eternity before creating the universe?

How can he continue to exist without ingesting some sort of energy?

How can he exist in every point of the universe at once?

How can he know everything, past present and future?

Where are souls kept within our bodies?

Where were our 'eternal' souls before we were born, (or how can immortality begin at conception)?

When someone can provide these answers, then I could believe. Until then, my mind will not let me believe. I have no choice. I cannot accept that such an entity is possible.

The invisible and the nonexistent look very much alike. When you come to realize why you do not believe in Zeus, you will understand why I do not believe in your god.

http://www.askwhy.co.uk/truth/990NoGodHarding.php

Things I want to post to Facebook but can't-yet #4

The link, once more: http://www.thinkatheist.com/photo/only-the-best-bs-er-can-get-away-with-this?context=featured

Things I want to post to Facebook but can't-yet #3

Again, here's the link if you need it: http://i.qkme.me/3q3ofb.jpg

Things I want to post to Facebook but can't-yet #2

Here's the link in case you can't see the picture: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/exploringourmatrix/2011/11/think-outside-the-box-the-cutest-response-to-creationism-ever.html

Things I want to post to Facebook but can't-yet

Top Ten Reasons to Make Gay Marriage Illegal

01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all like many of the principles on which this great country was founded; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of marriages like Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.

07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

http://benelling.wordpress.com/2007/10/17/10-reasons-gay-marriage-should-be-illegal/

Coming Out...a little bit...

So a few weekends ago, my husband and I finally sat down and told his parents about my beliefs - or rather lack there of - and everything went better than expected.  Although Daniel's parents are Christians, I wasn't extremely concerned about how they would react, but you never really know.  They patiently listened as I explained how I got to where I am today with my (non) beliefs and then hugged me and told me that this changes nothing between us and that they would be praying for me.  It was a huge relief that someone else now knew and that they handled it so well.  I started feeling a little less alone.  His siblings found out soon after and everyone of them reacted the same way: nothings changed, we still love you, people have different beliefs and asking questions is a good thing.  So that's been really encouraging and a few discussions
(like decent discussions and civilized debates rather than fights or arguments) have come from being open and honest about it.  I guess I'm pleasantly surprised and have a little more hope when it comes to telling other people, especially my own parents - I honestly have no idea how they'll take it.  I will update again when I get the chance to come out to them :)

I should also say how impressed I am with Daniel.  He's really become much more comfortable with my atheism and is able to talk and joke about it with me and now with his parents.  I'm so proud of him and love him even more for the fact that he's stuck it out with me and we still have a great relationship :)

FRA

FRA is the Science and Reason-based confidence that ALL religion is obvious mythology. It is the crystal-clear understanding that "God", and all related lore, is a ridiculous and transparent fairy tale which has no bearing on, or connection to, objective reality.

Arrival at FRA can be almost epiphanal. Once FRA has been achieved, many things become stunningly obvious, such as:

• "God" does not - can not - exist and that there is nothing to fear from such vengeful and unpredictable gods   
• Gods and ghosts and goblins are all the stuff of ancient legend, invented around the campfires of ignorant and superstitious cultures before the dawn of knowledge   
• There is no life after death or continuation of consciousness or memory (read brain activity) after the cessation electrical activity in the brain   
• There will be no heavenly reward for those who have suffered enough, or who gave enough money, or who did crazy things because godhisownself told them to, or in general lived a life focused on misery, deprivation, and self abasement and forced others to do the same   
• Jesus does not love you   
• Jesus is not your best friend   
• Jesus is not alive, he is not here in the room with you this very minute, and he is not coming - ever
• Jesus does not walk with you and he does NOT talk to you and i think you are misled if you think he does  
• Jumping through the "Jesus hoop" will not win one eternal salvation and preferential entry into eternal bliss   
• Satan - the other christian god - does not exist and that people are responsible for the bad things that they do   
• There is no Santa Claus and there ain't no such thing as a free lunch   
• Man created "God" in his own image   
• There are no monsters under the bed 

Full Realization Atheism is irreversible unless one suffers brain damage. Once one has broken the bonds of the ancient superstitions and the childhood indoctrination and has recognized "God's" mythical nature, and all that that implies, one is capable of moving forward and acting as an informed and rational Human, and all that THAT implies.

 Courtesy of: http://www.flamewarrior.com/fra.htm

Convenient timing of the sun and my still religious first reaction

So I'm pretty much ALWAYS cold. Well, not technically always but the majority of the time and more than your average person.  This is especially true at work where in the winter, the heat is never high enough and in the summer, the air conditioning is my worst enemy. One particular day recently in May (which is an especially confusing weather month for the thermostat at work), I happened to walk outside to take a short break.  It was overcast but not windy, neither really cold or warm but I thought, it'd be perfect if the sun was out.  Lo and behold, not 10 seconds after I think the thought, the sun comes out from behind a cloud and shines down on me for a good minute, warming me up a bit.  Now, I know that a lot of believers would like to jump on this and say, "There! God heard your thoughts and answered them, maybe to show you he loves you!  How can you not believe in him now?"  I myself, only being recently deconverted, ran through these thoughts at first as well.

But then I remembered there is no God.  I remembered that behind the clouds, the sun is always shining (when it's day on our side of the planet) and that clouds move.  Those two very simple concepts are enough to explain the short burst of warmth that seemed to be meant just for me.

I have three things that I want to say about this experience:

1. My way of thinking is that nothing is explained by the supernatural.  Sure, that could have been God parting the clouds for me but it's more likely that the wind did it and it didn't have me in mind.  There's no reason, other than hopeful delusion, to throw God in the mix there.

2. If God did exist, and he did love me and he did want to tell me, then he should do that.  And not through other people, and not through the Bible and not just through "acts".  Consider this: if someone was interested in you, but you found out because he or she told so and so and so and so told you, or because he wrote you a note or better yet, told so and so to write a note or EVEN BETTER, so and so wrote you a note saying he or she was interested in you but he or she had nothing to do with the note, or because he or she claims he or she did things for you like secretly helped you get a promotion that you worked really hard for, would you believe it?  Doesn't that seem a little fifth grade to you? Hey Sally, Billy says he likes you. Do you like him back?  A God worth loving and being loved by should have the guts to come to you himself and tell you how he feels.  Why ever not?

3. I am not so naive (anymore) to think that an all powerful being (exists) and/or is remotely interested in my individual life.  If he was, he would not be a god worth worshiping because as he's listening in on my thoughts and giving me the sun I was hoping for, how many people were dying or being tortured or raped or starving or sick or - the list goes on. Obviously, this god cannot prioritize as well as I can, and that's a little sad.

Epicurus: “Is god willing to prevent evil but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him god?”

Just Do It!

Alright, so this post is less about my lack of beliefs and more about my changing attitude toward life.  I (and my husband, although we didn't plan it) have lately undertaken the attitude of "Just do it" in our lives. For me, this started about a month or so ago when I was thinking about how much I would like to read for a living. You only get one life and you might as well do what you enjoy to make a living, if you can and I enjoy reading. Also, I happen to naturally proofread and catch typos and spelling mistakes as I read so I thought, "How awesome would it be if I could proofread for a living? Just read books and fix them as I go, then hand them back all marked up and get a paycheck." Sure, I'd have deadlines, but I could still set my own schedule, and even when I am "working" it's doing something I love to do anyway. (Now you're all going to be watching for any mistakes I make, I know, but keep in mind, I blog like I talk so forgive the slang and run on sentences :) ...and emoticons apparently.)  My husband (we'll call him Daniel) suggested I go to the local newspaper and see if I could proofread there.  I thought that was a good idea.  Now normally, I'd hum and haw about it, and go over and over in my mind what I'm going to say and I'd get all nervous and feel extremely ill-prepared and think about all the ways it could go wrong.  (There's your slang and run on sentence - happy?)  Instead, I just decided to drive there on my way home from work, park the car and go in.  

I don't own this picture or the copyrights and I admit that this
is an ad for Nike.  I don't want any  trouble :) (Please don't
sue me :S)

Now my story is a bit anticlimactic here but bear with me.  I went in that day and asked about proofreading opportunities.  I was told I'd need to speak to the editor and that he was out of the office.  I was given his name and number and I gave the receptionist my information and I left, planning to call on Monday when he was supposed to be back.  I called Monday, after again considering whether to get all freaked out about it or just to call.  I just called.  I got a message saying he was out of the office until next week.  OK. Next week, I was out of the country but I decided I would try calling again when I got back.  And I did.  I got the answering machine and I left a message.  Two weeks later, I hadn't heard anything.  At this point, I'm wondering if he's gotten my message or not, if he just doesn't care or maybe he's really busy.  I don't know so I assume the best - that he's gotten my message but has had a lot to catch up on since he was out of the office for a week or so.   

So that brings us to today.  I drove past the building on my way to work and thought, "I should just drop in again and see if I can get anywhere."  This time, I didn't even think about getting nervous.  Drive in, park, lock the car, open the front door, smile.

"Hi, I'd like to talk to someone about any proofreading opportunities you might have." Calm, cool and collected :)

The receptionist said she didn't think they did that there but she went to see if the editor was in.  He was and I got in to see him.  I basically walked completely unprepared into an interview for a job, I'm not even sure exists.  And I felt pretty good about it.  We talked a bit about proofreading: why I wanted to proofread, how a proofreader (in his words) would be a godsend, how we could work in a proofreader when all the different articles are coming into the office at different times all day, how modern technology would permit me to proofread outside the office, on the go, throughout the day.  He took down my information again and said that when the two other editors got back to the office, he would talk to them to see if they could figure something out and he's supposed to call me in a few days.

If this turns into a job, it will be the first time I've applied for a job that's not only not advertised but at this point, does not exist (at least at this particular office).  I'll have created an opportunity for myself in something that I'm interested in rather than just looking for opportunities to come my way.  I'll have been proactive about my life and not let fear rule my actions.  I'll have bypassed the usual job search routines and gotten hired because I had enough guts to walk into the head honcho's office, say, "I like proofreading and I'm good at it.  Can I have a job?" and make him realize that I'm just what they're missing.

However, I could just end up having a volunteer proofreading position there, which I said I was willing to take. Eventually, all those things could still be true because I can make myself irreplaceable and eventually turn this into a job.

Worst case scenario?  They decide not to bother and I don't get either. That's ok.  I'll have gained an experience of being fearless and knowing what I want and going  after it.  Not in an obnoxious way but in a I-only-get-to-do-this-once-better-not-waste-it-just-wishing-I-was-happy kind of way.  And I'll have gained experience in the "Just do it" way of doing life.

I mentioned that Daniel has had the same epiphany recently.  Just in case anyone is curious, the circumstances he mentioned to me that exemplified his new "Just do it" attitude toward life were a) we were already having company at our house when my sister asked if my nephew could stay the weekend with us.  That meant one more person to host on an already busy, crowded weekend.  I was OK with it but at first when I talked to Daniel about it, he wasn't so sure we could take it all on.  As he thought about it for the next few minutes, this new attitude won out and he suddenly declared, "Let's do it!  We'll make it work." and b) today, we were talking about donating money to charities just as a general topic when it reminded him about donating blood and right then and there, he made an appointment to do it this week.  "I gotta just stop thinking about it and just do it."

On that note, I am afraid of needles and I have never donated blood but I do think it's a good cause.  Daniel has inspired me to just do it and I'm going to make my own appointment....Done! I am booked to be poked and prodded and eventually semi-drained tomorrow at 5:15pm.  

I feel like this is an extremely healthy way to go through life and a very helpful way to stave off my fears of being old and having regrets.  I think the more I realize how short and quick my life is, the less afraid I will be of trying new things and risking rejection.

"One of the greatest discoveries a (wo)man makes, one of his/her great surprises, is to find (s)he can do what (s)he was afraid (s)he couldn't do."  

~Henry Ford

Just Do It!

How I got here

I realized today that if I intend to send friends and family here when I come out as an atheist, I should probably write a post explaining how I got here - to an atheistic conclusion about life, I mean.  Plus, if ever anyone who doesn't know me happens to come along, they can understand more about my journey as well.

It was sometime in the fall of 2011 that I knew I didn't believe in God or the like anymore, but the journey started much earlier.

Growing up, it was instilled in me that I was alive because God put me on this earth and it was my duty (once I had accepted Jesus and been forgiven of all the sins I had somehow committed in my already short life) to serve God and do his will out of love and gratitude for my salvation and ticket to heaven.  I was OK with that for a long time because that was all I knew.  However, through my childhood and my teen years, as much as I tried to "draw close to God", he failed to draw close to me. It was always about having a relationship with God and I had no idea how to do that.  I'd talk to him but I never heard back.  I never felt anything.  Bible verses never jumped off the page for me.  When I asked people how to have a relationship with God, they told me to pray, and worship and to read my Bible. I was already doing that.  But I attended church anyway, led worship, prayed for people, and even preached a sermon and bible study, all the while trying to find God. I wasn't angry that it didn't seem to be working, I just figured there was something wrong with me, that I wasn't doing something right or well enough and I just needed to keep learning and trying.

I didn't say the sinner's prayer over and over during those years to make sure I was saved as some people feel the need to - I didn't doubt my salvation, but I did repeatedly "rededicate" myself to God because I knew I wasn't always living as the best Christian (which didn't necessarily mean I was doing awful things, but more like I wasn't reading my Bible or praying enough.)  I realized that it was very easy to live life without thinking about God at all, but I didn't clue into the reason for that until years later.  I just admonished myself for taking God for granted and tried to do better.  Especially in my teen years, I was frustrated that God didn't "touch" me so that I could feel his presence like others could, or he wouldn't help me change my bad habits that I kept praying about, etc.  I was really upset about these sorts of things for a while but then accepted them, thinking that I would just move on with life and if God ever wanted to do these things, he would.

When I graduated highschool, I was just working and going to church.  I was reading my Bible, leading worship, praying, tithing, going to church, etc, that all Christians should be doing but I realized that was the only reason I was doing them - because I was supposed to.  I decided to stop, only because I felt that I didn't have the right motives while I was doing all these things and figured I would start again when I could appreciate them.  The best example is prayer: for the longest time, I would only pray when I needed something and it was usually those quick prayers you send up when you're about to take a test or you fall and pray that no one saw your clumsiness. My plan was to pray, only if it wasn't like that.

I never ended up praying again - not because I had nothing to pray for, but because once I had something worthwhile to pray for, I understood that it wouldn't make a difference.  One of my friends was sick with stage four cancer and I did not pray for her.  At this point, I still believed in God but not in prayer. I knew that whether I prayed or not, God would do whatever he wanted.  It wouldn't matter if the whole world prayed for her, it was still up to him whether she lived or died.  As if to prove my point, she died, in spite of many, many people praying for her on a regular basis. I refuse to accept that just because I didn't pray for her, she didn't survive, as if I was the one or last person God was waiting to hear from before he healed her. And that "God always answers prayer but sometimes the answer is yes, no, or I have something better" cliche is not worth bothering about because it still then comes down to the fact that our prayers are useless because God will do what he wants anyway.  This is when I started having a lot of questions about prayer and a few other things, but I put them on the back  burner.

I went to college. I think what really kicked my doubts into gear was reading a book about 3 girls who grew up in a Christian cult and finally got out.  When I got to the end of the book, I was impressed that these girls could walk away from everything they knew because they had realized none of it was true or healthy.  I wondered if I could ever do that. And then I realized some similarities between their cult and my upbringing.  Please realize that I am not saying that I grew up in a cult; I don't really think of  it that way, but some of the same fear and control tactics were used.  For example, in both the cult and in my upbringing, it was understood that if you left the faith, you would not be under God's protection anymore and anything could happen to you, including the Devil coming after you.  It was also understood in both that doubts were from Satan and you needed to pray against them and get them out of your head.  Lastly, it was definitely understood that if you left the faith, and got hit by a bus the next day, you would go to Hell.  No wonder I was so impressed that these girls could be courageous enough to leave those teachings behind.  I knew that what their cult believed wasn't true, but they didn't always know that and yet they somehow got out of it.  Then I wondered, what if someone else is looking at me that way?  That what I believe isn't true and it's obvious to them but not to me - If I realized that Christianity wasn't true, would I be able to leave it behind?  I decided then and there that I wanted truth, no matter where it showed up, no matter what the consequence. Soon after this internal decision, I was talking with an open minded friend of mine from college who said to me that she thought God created us with brains and common sense so we could use them.  That really gave me permission to put my Christianity to the test.  I decided that if Christianity is true, it should be able to stand up to whatever inquiry I throw at it.

Late 2010, I was considering if there was a God.  At this point, I was too scared to even pretend there wasn't a God because God knew my thoughts and what if I died while I was "not believing in God" for a week?  This pushed me to really look into things.  I started to look into the Bible, to figure out how we got it, who wrote what, how it was put together and what it really says.  I watched a documentary by Bill Maher and he asked someone in it, "If you grew up with our fairy tales in the Bible and our Bible stories as fairy tales, would you still believe the Bible?"  I don't remember what the person replied with and I didn't know my answer yet either but I thought it was a valid point.  When I looked into it, I realized that we have no more evidence for the battle of Jericho, Jonah and the Whale, the tower of Babel, Sodom and Gomorrah,  or even the Exodus of the Israelites from Egypt than we do for Hansel and Gretel, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella or Rumplestiltskin.  Furthermore, I was beginning to see the contradictions in the Bible for myself.  I had always heard of the contradictions people claimed were in the Bible but I had never read the whole Bible and I just assumed that if all these people believe in the Bible and it's inerrant nature, they must have good answers to these claims.  Turns out, they don't.  By early 2011, I was moving from a belief in a personal God to a God that just created the universe but then had nothing to do with us since.  I got to this point because I noticed that God made no difference in our world, but I still didn't understand how we and the world came to be so God must have still existed at one time or another.

The more I looked into things and considered Christian arguments for God, the more it was becoming clear to me that it was all made up.  There's no reason for Christianity to be more true than any other religion.  "Not all religions can be right, but they can all be wrong" is a quote I've seen around on the internet lately and it now makes total sense to me. Earlier I said that I would try to "draw close to God" and have a personal relationship with him and that it just never happened.  I wanted to feel him or hear him and I never did.  I have realized since that it's because I was trying to have a relationship with an imaginary friend and my brain wouldn't fall for it.  I never allowed myself to fake anything or pretend to feel something.  I was sincerely trying to be open and to reach out to God but I vowed that I would never trick myself into anything - I wanted any interaction to actually be God, not in my head.  So no wonder it never worked.  It makes no more sense for me to believe in Zeus or Santa than for me to believe in the Christian God.  It makes no sense to believe in any deity at all is what I'm really trying to say.  I know that believing in God is very comforting but in the long run, wouldn't it be better to realize there's no safety net to catch you before you walk out on the tight rope rather than running out in faith and falling only to realize there is only cement?

I may have not written everything I meant to and I may edit and add more later, but I am open for questions and discussion if anyone is not clear on anything or would like to know more.

I know that for many Christians, atheist is a bad word and conjures up a lot of negative feelings.  For the people that know me, I want you to think of me and try to reconcile those two pictures in your head: the person you've known for quite a while (I haven't changed that much) and the kind of person you think of as an atheist.  I am an atheist, but not likely the kind of atheist you pictured.  I use the word Atheist because that is what I am (simply meaning I don't believe God exists) and hopefully, it will help to establish a more positive association to the word in your mind.

I do know that I feel incredibly liberated since becoming an atheist and feel that I am in a much better position to enjoy my life and make a difference in the world, now that I am not tied down with superstition.  You should know that I am an atheist only because I've realized that God does not exist.  I am not angry at God, or at the Christians I grew up with.  I am sad for the people I know that still believe things I now think are superstitions because I think you can get a lot more out of life when you're not scared and controlled. (Some of you might say that you don't feel afraid or controlled, and I will tell you that I didn't either until I could see my Christian life from the other side.)

I am not an atheist because I want to sin and not feel guilty and get away with it.  I feel I am more moral now, than I was before - now I want to do the right thing because all of us, is all we've got and we should take care of each other and not hurt each other and support humankind to go further and be better.  I think it's incredible that we are here, not because God created us and the universe for us but because we've arrived this far through evolution in a universe that was not made to fit us but that we have adapted to survive in.

I am an atheist and it is a good thing.  

I am excited to be alive.

Anyone?

The longer I'm an atheist, the harder it is for me to remember how I really used to think.  The instinct that has stuck with me the longest is the feeling that God is out there, listening to my thoughts and watching me.  I don't think that I've been holding on to that on purpose, because I want that safety net or anything - I really think it was hard to get rid of that notion, even when I had decided I didn't believe in it, because it was the idea that's been pushed on me the longest and the hardest.  I may not have understood about prophecy and speaking in tongues until my later childhood but God and Jesus most likely came to be understood soon after "Mom and Dad" were established in my little brain.  I think the best way I can describe the feeling is this: I've heard many stories of when someone's parent dies, and still, years later, that person still sometimes picks up the phone to call that parent.  They've actually started dialing before it clicks in that the parent isn't there anymore.  It's because they are so used to that person being there for so long that sometimes it feels like they still are there.  That's how I sometimes feel about God now.  It's getting less and less though, which is good.

Back to my main point, the more I look into and educate myself on religions, evolution, the role religion plays in the world and the unreasonable respect religion demands, the more sense atheism makes and the less I can understand where I came from.  It is honestly, so hard for me to understand why it took me so long to deny God.  Oh, I know why it took me so long, but I can't imagine myself back into that moment to remember how it felt.  It's just too ridiculous and my brain fights it.  This is not really an issue, per say, except that it makes it more difficult for me to put up with all the Christians around me.  See, when I first concluded that God didn't exist, I thought that nothing really needed to change in my life.  I didn't believe anymore but it was still fresh enough that I felt, "some people just need this and that's OK."  Sure, I didn't pray anymore but that didn't mean I couldn't sit quietly while others prayed over a meal.  And yeah, I didn't have a reason to attend church anymore but I would go if my husband wanted to.  However, I'm realizing that these things bother me.  Church is a waste of my Sunday morning.  Prayer is nothing but words said with eyes closed.  Those are just small bothers though. The bigger bother of being a closeted atheist is when someone asks me if I prayed about a certain situation in my life or asks me to pray for them or someone they know, or they ask if I'm involved in a church and why not, or they ask how my relationship with God is, or they say some religious fact such as "That's what God wants" or "God doesn't approve of such and such" and look to me to nod my head in agreement.  I get so frustrated that even though I don't say anything to give them the idea that I'm a practicing Christian, they still assume I am one and treat me accordingly and if I had my way, I'd be way out of the closet by now, but I'm still held back for the time being.

I just wish I had someone I could talk to about all this.  At least.  I really just want it to be out in the open, but for now, I would settle for someone to talk to.  Anyone?

The Way of the Dinosaurs

So I work at a drugstore, which, among other things, is also a Christian book store.  This hasn't been a problem for me before but today I felt uncomfortable.

A little background: since I'm only just leaving religion recently, I haven't fully decided how I feel about religion. When I first decided that I didn't believe in God anymore, I didn't have a problem if others wanted to be religious.  I wouldn't join them but I wouldn't protest either, as long as they kept it to themselves.  However, the more I've read from other Atheists, the more I'm leaning toward the side that religion should eventually become non existent.  There's a great article by  Richard Dawkins that explores some of the reasons Atheists feel like I first felt about religion and why they should feel like I feel now.  http://richarddawkins.net/articles/318

Anyway, I was uncomfortable today because normally, people look at the books themselves, pick something out and buy it.  Sometimes, they need help finding a specific book and I help them.  I have less of an issue with these two situations.  However, today, someone was asking my opinion: they were going through a really rough time and wanted something encouraging and inspirational and I basically had to look through the "devotionals" trying to find something to suit them.  I was uncomfortable with this because I felt like I was leading them astray. They didn't say whether they were religious or not but either way, all I had was Christian devotionals to work with and I felt that if I suggested one of those, I was  personally telling them that God could comfort them and help them with their issues when I don't really think he's there.  I really felt like I was telling a 5 year old child, who's parents are divorcing, to write a letter to Santa because he will make them love each other again and stay together.  No one would think of guaranteeing that to a child because that would be untrue and therefore cruel.  Granted, being the newbie that I am, I don't know of any secular resources of inspiration and encouragement to suggest instead but I still didn't want to "sell" the religious ones.  I ended up picking out the cheapest ones for women (she was on a budget) and let her decide which she liked best so she ended up being in one of the first two scenarios.

I was thinking a lot today about how it will go when I let my friends and family know that I'm a non-believer.  I feel prepared for people to be shocked and disgusted and that doesn't really bother me too much because I think eventually, they'll realize that I'm still me, even without God.  I am also prepared for people to argue with me and that is something I'm actually looking forward to, not because I want to argue but because I want to get people talking about it, not just online with a faceless atheist that they can villainize but with me, one of their loved ones.  Since I used to be one of them and coming from the same religious devoutness that they are in now, I understand how they think and can hopefully really make them look at their faith that way.  I think, even with those two negatives, I am looking forward to outing myself for at least these two reasons: one, to not have to hide and censor anymore and two, to have the chance to try my best to have people seriously consider their faith.  My motives are not so much (at this point at least) at getting rid of religion because of all the bad that comes from it (wars, killing, no rights for women, using and controlling children, etc) but getting rid of it because it literally wastes lives.  It honestly makes me so sad to think of the time and energy people spend on religion when it does nothing for them.  I think of the people I used to go to church with, spending weeknights praying for hours.  It's the equivalent of spending hours writing letters to Santa.  What a waste of time and if you found a group of people doing that, wouldn't you try to help them see that it's pointless because he doesn't actually exist?  Like it said in the article, "I'm an atheist but people need religion."  I agree with Dawkins (although I'm saying it differently than him) that people, when they are exposed to the truth, are strong enough to handle the fact that there's no Big Guy in the Sky looking out for them and no Afterlife to accept them and their loved ones.  Those two  points are a loss in the bargain when becoming an Atheist but a) they don't exist and once you realize that, it's not really a loss because you never had those in the first place and b) the trade off for the positives of not believing in anything far outweigh the perceived losses:

1. Freedom to do good because it's good for you and for humankind rather than in fear of punishment or hope of reward.

2. Freedom to spend time and money and energy on things that can actually better this world.

3. The realization that there is nothing beyond this life and therefore how precious this life really is.

4. The relief of not having to try to conjure up feelings of a close relationship with a non-existent being, of not having to try to fight homosexuality and other "moral" issues based on one or two scriptures without which you would otherwise have no qualms about.

5. Getting to feel good about yourself when you are kind, generous, or when you do something well and being able to forgive yourself when you don't quite measure up to your own reasonable expectations instead of "giving all the glory to God" when you do something good or well and getting down on yourself and the devil when you screw up. (what a way to screw up your self-esteem --> anything good I do is not me and anything bad I do is me, either by myself or even worse, me giving in to Satan)

6. Being able to accept that the earth is actually really, really old and that evolution is much more likely how things went rather than the Bible's idea of our past.  Also, being able to change your mind if the theory of evolution (or any other scientific theory) ever turned out to be wrong and accept that we are learning new things about our reality all the time and we don't always get it right.

There are many more benefits but even these six show the scale tipped to this side, where this life, the only life we all have, can be more productive and meaningful than a life that is devoted to - nothing, really.

Some people may end up living a very good life and accomplish great things for humanity while being religious however, a) that is possible outside of religion and b) they may have children that are taught to be religious and therefore religion will continue throughout generations.  The problem there is that we don't need religion to be good and to accomplish great things for the world and humanity so there go the good points of religion.  What we are left with are all the negatives of religion and a bunch of people still wasting their time praying when they could be actually doing something about whatever they're praying about.

In summary, I think my point here is that I think that religion should go the way of the dinosaurs - pick your reason - and I think I'm inspired to do what I can about that.

A quickie

This morning my husband left for a job interview.  As we were saying goodbye at the door, he asked me to send him positive thoughts today. I laughed and said I would.  I don't believe that positive thoughts can be sent anymore than I think prayers can.  Neither is effective.  The point is that my Christian husband who is attempting to come to terms with my atheism, made a concession.  He knew that asking me to pray for him today was pointless and instead asked for something closer to what I can do.  It made me really happy to have him say something like that because it shows a little progress in this part of our relationship and I just wanted to share that with - well, whoever is out there, hopefully reading my blog someday :)

Decided, Dedicated and Declaring

I've spent the majority of my life "knowing" what I believe, even if I didn't completely understand it.  I simply believed it because that's what I was told and I didn't know any different.  I honestly remember being in my Grade 10 History class learning about "Lucy", one of our ancestors.   Here was evidence, staring me in the face, that we didn't come from Adam and Eve, but that we slowly evolved from a species more like Chimpanzees than modern humans of today - and I hardly gave a thought to this conflict.  Actually, if my memory serves me well, I remember thinking, "Well, I'll learn this so I pass but someone must have made this up."  Funny, that I should think the theory with proof behind it was fabricated rather than even considering the fairy tales I grew up reading in the Bible might be made up.  I've decided to dedicate this post to declaring what I don't believe.  This is only a step in my journey because I haven't completely figured out what I do believe, or rather, think.  For now, the best I can do is set out what I no longer put stock in.

I don't believe:

1. that there is any higher being, God or not.
2. therefore, that our reality was either instigated or is interfered with by said, non-existent higher being
3. therefore, that prayer is useful, meaningful, time worthy, or effective
4. that the Bible, Koran, or any other "holy book" is inspired, perfect, a helpful guide or the final word on anything
5. that atheists are evil
6. that heaven or hell exist (or Purgatory, although I never believed in that one anyway)
7. that babies are sinful as soon as they are born
8. that we're all responsible to the non-existent higher being for the mistake two fictional characters made thousands of years ago
9. that Jesus was anything but a man (if he even existed)
10. in the Holy Spirit or Holy Ghost, speaking in tongues, Baptism of any kind,  or being "slain in the Spirit" (ask any Pentecostal if you don't know what that is - actually, just google it - it's safer)
11. that singing to "God" with or without instruments, with just the organ and piano or with a full band, accomplishes anything or is necessary
12. that anyone hears from God, that anyone can "know" things about the future or other people, that prophecy is real or that miraculous healings occur - no matter how much money you throw in the televangelists' offering plate.
13. that any religions are right, that the Devil exists and has demons and fights for our souls, that ghosts are real, that horoscopes and superstitions are true and just for fun, I'm leaving it at 13.

It really feels good to put it down on "paper" because these have all been circling in my brain for a few months now.  It's also given me a few ideas for future posts because there are quite a few I'd like to expand on.  It was really difficult for me to give up my childhood beliefs because I had worked so hard at following Christianity and trying to make it work in my life.  Being on this side of it all, I feel so free and it's so hard for me to see why it took me so long to get here.  It's also very easy to see from this side, why it was so hard for me to be a Christian.  I'm not talking about the rules.  I'm a good rule follower and I was fairly sheltered so I didn't find the moral demands to be the difficult part.  It was the praying, and the worship and people pushing for miracles and the constant question of my "relationship" with God.  I always felt that I never had one and that I was praying to myself or the ceiling and that worship was just music (I never could feel the presence of God like others claimed) and miracles couldn't be proven to be genuine.  I now see that it's as ridiculous as trying to have a relationship with Santa.  It just can't be done and you are deluding yourself if you think you have one.  It may be harsh to those that know me as a Christian but one thing I fully believe:

Imaginary friends are for children only.

A little introduction

Well hello there!  I see you've come across this little unassuming page in your search for who knows what. I hope you find it interesting enough to stick around for a bit, even if this is not what you were looking for.

Allow me to introduce myself:  My name is Autumn Wild - not really, but for purposes that I will explain later, that is how you will know me.  I am in my early twenties, a Canadian, a married woman and a recent atheist.  I've started this blog as sort of an outlet for me because my last descriptor is hugely closeted right now and I'm feeling a little alone.  I have a few thoughts, questions and general wondering..ments on my new world view and no one to really safely share them with so I decided that cyber space may be the best place for my thoughts for now.   My hope is that eventually, when I come out of the proverbial atheist closet, that this will be an established blog to send family and friends to, to help them better understand and cope with the shock.  See, apart from 3 of my siblings, everyone I know is a Christian - and assumes I am one too. This is why my real name is not used - I need a cover, for now.

My husband is aware of my unbelief but is still trying to figure out how to deal with the fact that the woman he married no longer shares the same beliefs as he does.  He has done extremely well so far, but still needs more time before I feel I can openly share my thoughts on certain things.  It's a lonely existence and you'd be surprised how often I get the opportunity to out myself in conversations with the people I know, but I don't.  I want to, soon, because I feel the longer I allow people to assume I'm a christian when I'm not, the more betrayed they will feel.  However, I don't feel the time is quite right.  Now, I'm not one of those people that is just putting things off indefinitely when they say they're "waiting for the right time" but in reality they are too scared or lazy.  I really am waiting for some things to fall into place before I out myself.  I am actually quite anxious to reveal my change in beliefs because a) I feel incredibly free and little ridiculous for not figuring it out sooner and wish others could share in this liberty and  b) I am getting annoyed at having to go along with people's assumptions of my "saved" status.  Notice I said "having to go along with assumptions" and not "pretending to be a Christian?"  This is because I don't pretend.  It was actually four years ago that I stopped reading the Bible, praying, taking communion, etc.  No one's noticed.  I didn't become an atheist then and therefore, I still attended church because at that time, I was only starting to doubt and I hoped that I would learn the answers to my questions at church.  I only actually seriously considered the thought, "What if there is no God?" this past summer and decided, confidently enough to tell my husband, that there is no God, in December.  In the past four years, not much has changed outwardly from me being a doubting, non-practicing Christian to an Athiest.  I don't pray or read the Bible, I don't talk to anyone about God, Jesus, church, etc, yet they all assume I'm a Christian just because I haven't said otherwise.

That works for now, but I am still anxious for the people around me to know the real me, not the person they assume I am. However, that will have to wait for now.  For now, I will simply write here what I think, about anything really, but since my being an atheist is so fresh, it or the like will probably come up most often.  You've been warned.

Anyway, thanks for stopping by and I hope you'll find any posts that follow to be worth your attention.  I welcome your comments and as I'm quite new to this way of life, I appreciate any words of wisdom, thought provoking statements, suggestions, encouraging comments and/or new things that I can learn.

My mind is now waaayy open.

Yours,

Autumn Wild