Allow me to introduce myself: My name is Autumn Wild - not really, but for purposes that I will explain later, that is how you will know me. I am in my early twenties, a Canadian, a married woman and a recent atheist. I've started this blog as sort of an outlet for me because my last descriptor is hugely closeted right now and I'm feeling a little alone. I have a few thoughts, questions and general wondering..ments on my new world view and no one to really safely share them with so I decided that cyber space may be the best place for my thoughts for now. My hope is that eventually, when I come out of the proverbial atheist closet, that this will be an established blog to send family and friends to, to help them better understand and cope with the shock. See, apart from 3 of my siblings, everyone I know is a Christian - and assumes I am one too. This is why my real name is not used - I need a cover, for now.
My husband is aware of my unbelief but is still trying to figure out how to deal with the fact that the woman he married no longer shares the same beliefs as he does. He has done extremely well so far, but still needs more time before I feel I can openly share my thoughts on certain things. It's a lonely existence and you'd be surprised how often I get the opportunity to out myself in conversations with the people I know, but I don't. I want to, soon, because I feel the longer I allow people to assume I'm a christian when I'm not, the more betrayed they will feel. However, I don't feel the time is quite right. Now, I'm not one of those people that is just putting things off indefinitely when they say they're "waiting for the right time" but in reality they are too scared or lazy. I really am waiting for some things to fall into place before I out myself. I am actually quite anxious to reveal my change in beliefs because a) I feel incredibly free and little ridiculous for not figuring it out sooner and wish others could share in this liberty and b) I am getting annoyed at having to go along with people's assumptions of my "saved" status. Notice I said "having to go along with assumptions" and not "pretending to be a Christian?" This is because I don't pretend. It was actually four years ago that I stopped reading the Bible, praying, taking communion, etc. No one's noticed. I didn't become an atheist then and therefore, I still attended church because at that time, I was only starting to doubt and I hoped that I would learn the answers to my questions at church. I only actually seriously considered the thought, "What if there is no God?" this past summer and decided, confidently enough to tell my husband, that there is no God, in December. In the past four years, not much has changed outwardly from me being a doubting, non-practicing Christian to an Athiest. I don't pray or read the Bible, I don't talk to anyone about God, Jesus, church, etc, yet they all assume I'm a Christian just because I haven't said otherwise.
That works for now, but I am still anxious for the people around me to know the real me, not the person they assume I am. However, that will have to wait for now. For now, I will simply write here what I think, about anything really, but since my being an atheist is so fresh, it or the like will probably come up most often. You've been warned.
Anyway, thanks for stopping by and I hope you'll find any posts that follow to be worth your attention. I welcome your comments and as I'm quite new to this way of life, I appreciate any words of wisdom, thought provoking statements, suggestions, encouraging comments and/or new things that I can learn.
My mind is now waaayy open.
Yours,
Autumn Wild
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