The Way of the Dinosaurs

So I work at a drugstore, which, among other things, is also a Christian book store.  This hasn't been a problem for me before but today I felt uncomfortable.

A little background: since I'm only just leaving religion recently, I haven't fully decided how I feel about religion. When I first decided that I didn't believe in God anymore, I didn't have a problem if others wanted to be religious.  I wouldn't join them but I wouldn't protest either, as long as they kept it to themselves.  However, the more I've read from other Atheists, the more I'm leaning toward the side that religion should eventually become non existent.  There's a great article by  Richard Dawkins that explores some of the reasons Atheists feel like I first felt about religion and why they should feel like I feel now.  http://richarddawkins.net/articles/318

Anyway, I was uncomfortable today because normally, people look at the books themselves, pick something out and buy it.  Sometimes, they need help finding a specific book and I help them.  I have less of an issue with these two situations.  However, today, someone was asking my opinion: they were going through a really rough time and wanted something encouraging and inspirational and I basically had to look through the "devotionals" trying to find something to suit them.  I was uncomfortable with this because I felt like I was leading them astray. They didn't say whether they were religious or not but either way, all I had was Christian devotionals to work with and I felt that if I suggested one of those, I was  personally telling them that God could comfort them and help them with their issues when I don't really think he's there.  I really felt like I was telling a 5 year old child, who's parents are divorcing, to write a letter to Santa because he will make them love each other again and stay together.  No one would think of guaranteeing that to a child because that would be untrue and therefore cruel.  Granted, being the newbie that I am, I don't know of any secular resources of inspiration and encouragement to suggest instead but I still didn't want to "sell" the religious ones.  I ended up picking out the cheapest ones for women (she was on a budget) and let her decide which she liked best so she ended up being in one of the first two scenarios.

I was thinking a lot today about how it will go when I let my friends and family know that I'm a non-believer.  I feel prepared for people to be shocked and disgusted and that doesn't really bother me too much because I think eventually, they'll realize that I'm still me, even without God.  I am also prepared for people to argue with me and that is something I'm actually looking forward to, not because I want to argue but because I want to get people talking about it, not just online with a faceless atheist that they can villainize but with me, one of their loved ones.  Since I used to be one of them and coming from the same religious devoutness that they are in now, I understand how they think and can hopefully really make them look at their faith that way.  I think, even with those two negatives, I am looking forward to outing myself for at least these two reasons: one, to not have to hide and censor anymore and two, to have the chance to try my best to have people seriously consider their faith.  My motives are not so much (at this point at least) at getting rid of religion because of all the bad that comes from it (wars, killing, no rights for women, using and controlling children, etc) but getting rid of it because it literally wastes lives.  It honestly makes me so sad to think of the time and energy people spend on religion when it does nothing for them.  I think of the people I used to go to church with, spending weeknights praying for hours.  It's the equivalent of spending hours writing letters to Santa.  What a waste of time and if you found a group of people doing that, wouldn't you try to help them see that it's pointless because he doesn't actually exist?  Like it said in the article, "I'm an atheist but people need religion."  I agree with Dawkins (although I'm saying it differently than him) that people, when they are exposed to the truth, are strong enough to handle the fact that there's no Big Guy in the Sky looking out for them and no Afterlife to accept them and their loved ones.  Those two  points are a loss in the bargain when becoming an Atheist but a) they don't exist and once you realize that, it's not really a loss because you never had those in the first place and b) the trade off for the positives of not believing in anything far outweigh the perceived losses:

1. Freedom to do good because it's good for you and for humankind rather than in fear of punishment or hope of reward.

2. Freedom to spend time and money and energy on things that can actually better this world.

3. The realization that there is nothing beyond this life and therefore how precious this life really is.

4. The relief of not having to try to conjure up feelings of a close relationship with a non-existent being, of not having to try to fight homosexuality and other "moral" issues based on one or two scriptures without which you would otherwise have no qualms about.

5. Getting to feel good about yourself when you are kind, generous, or when you do something well and being able to forgive yourself when you don't quite measure up to your own reasonable expectations instead of "giving all the glory to God" when you do something good or well and getting down on yourself and the devil when you screw up. (what a way to screw up your self-esteem --> anything good I do is not me and anything bad I do is me, either by myself or even worse, me giving in to Satan)

6. Being able to accept that the earth is actually really, really old and that evolution is much more likely how things went rather than the Bible's idea of our past.  Also, being able to change your mind if the theory of evolution (or any other scientific theory) ever turned out to be wrong and accept that we are learning new things about our reality all the time and we don't always get it right.

There are many more benefits but even these six show the scale tipped to this side, where this life, the only life we all have, can be more productive and meaningful than a life that is devoted to - nothing, really.

Some people may end up living a very good life and accomplish great things for humanity while being religious however, a) that is possible outside of religion and b) they may have children that are taught to be religious and therefore religion will continue throughout generations.  The problem there is that we don't need religion to be good and to accomplish great things for the world and humanity so there go the good points of religion.  What we are left with are all the negatives of religion and a bunch of people still wasting their time praying when they could be actually doing something about whatever they're praying about.

In summary, I think my point here is that I think that religion should go the way of the dinosaurs - pick your reason - and I think I'm inspired to do what I can about that.

A quickie

This morning my husband left for a job interview.  As we were saying goodbye at the door, he asked me to send him positive thoughts today. I laughed and said I would.  I don't believe that positive thoughts can be sent anymore than I think prayers can.  Neither is effective.  The point is that my Christian husband who is attempting to come to terms with my atheism, made a concession.  He knew that asking me to pray for him today was pointless and instead asked for something closer to what I can do.  It made me really happy to have him say something like that because it shows a little progress in this part of our relationship and I just wanted to share that with - well, whoever is out there, hopefully reading my blog someday :)

Decided, Dedicated and Declaring

I've spent the majority of my life "knowing" what I believe, even if I didn't completely understand it.  I simply believed it because that's what I was told and I didn't know any different.  I honestly remember being in my Grade 10 History class learning about "Lucy", one of our ancestors.   Here was evidence, staring me in the face, that we didn't come from Adam and Eve, but that we slowly evolved from a species more like Chimpanzees than modern humans of today - and I hardly gave a thought to this conflict.  Actually, if my memory serves me well, I remember thinking, "Well, I'll learn this so I pass but someone must have made this up."  Funny, that I should think the theory with proof behind it was fabricated rather than even considering the fairy tales I grew up reading in the Bible might be made up.  I've decided to dedicate this post to declaring what I don't believe.  This is only a step in my journey because I haven't completely figured out what I do believe, or rather, think.  For now, the best I can do is set out what I no longer put stock in.

I don't believe:

1. that there is any higher being, God or not.
2. therefore, that our reality was either instigated or is interfered with by said, non-existent higher being
3. therefore, that prayer is useful, meaningful, time worthy, or effective
4. that the Bible, Koran, or any other "holy book" is inspired, perfect, a helpful guide or the final word on anything
5. that atheists are evil
6. that heaven or hell exist (or Purgatory, although I never believed in that one anyway)
7. that babies are sinful as soon as they are born
8. that we're all responsible to the non-existent higher being for the mistake two fictional characters made thousands of years ago
9. that Jesus was anything but a man (if he even existed)
10. in the Holy Spirit or Holy Ghost, speaking in tongues, Baptism of any kind,  or being "slain in the Spirit" (ask any Pentecostal if you don't know what that is - actually, just google it - it's safer)
11. that singing to "God" with or without instruments, with just the organ and piano or with a full band, accomplishes anything or is necessary
12. that anyone hears from God, that anyone can "know" things about the future or other people, that prophecy is real or that miraculous healings occur - no matter how much money you throw in the televangelists' offering plate.
13. that any religions are right, that the Devil exists and has demons and fights for our souls, that ghosts are real, that horoscopes and superstitions are true and just for fun, I'm leaving it at 13.

It really feels good to put it down on "paper" because these have all been circling in my brain for a few months now.  It's also given me a few ideas for future posts because there are quite a few I'd like to expand on.  It was really difficult for me to give up my childhood beliefs because I had worked so hard at following Christianity and trying to make it work in my life.  Being on this side of it all, I feel so free and it's so hard for me to see why it took me so long to get here.  It's also very easy to see from this side, why it was so hard for me to be a Christian.  I'm not talking about the rules.  I'm a good rule follower and I was fairly sheltered so I didn't find the moral demands to be the difficult part.  It was the praying, and the worship and people pushing for miracles and the constant question of my "relationship" with God.  I always felt that I never had one and that I was praying to myself or the ceiling and that worship was just music (I never could feel the presence of God like others claimed) and miracles couldn't be proven to be genuine.  I now see that it's as ridiculous as trying to have a relationship with Santa.  It just can't be done and you are deluding yourself if you think you have one.  It may be harsh to those that know me as a Christian but one thing I fully believe:

Imaginary friends are for children only.

A little introduction

Well hello there!  I see you've come across this little unassuming page in your search for who knows what. I hope you find it interesting enough to stick around for a bit, even if this is not what you were looking for.

Allow me to introduce myself:  My name is Autumn Wild - not really, but for purposes that I will explain later, that is how you will know me.  I am in my early twenties, a Canadian, a married woman and a recent atheist.  I've started this blog as sort of an outlet for me because my last descriptor is hugely closeted right now and I'm feeling a little alone.  I have a few thoughts, questions and general wondering..ments on my new world view and no one to really safely share them with so I decided that cyber space may be the best place for my thoughts for now.   My hope is that eventually, when I come out of the proverbial atheist closet, that this will be an established blog to send family and friends to, to help them better understand and cope with the shock.  See, apart from 3 of my siblings, everyone I know is a Christian - and assumes I am one too. This is why my real name is not used - I need a cover, for now.

My husband is aware of my unbelief but is still trying to figure out how to deal with the fact that the woman he married no longer shares the same beliefs as he does.  He has done extremely well so far, but still needs more time before I feel I can openly share my thoughts on certain things.  It's a lonely existence and you'd be surprised how often I get the opportunity to out myself in conversations with the people I know, but I don't.  I want to, soon, because I feel the longer I allow people to assume I'm a christian when I'm not, the more betrayed they will feel.  However, I don't feel the time is quite right.  Now, I'm not one of those people that is just putting things off indefinitely when they say they're "waiting for the right time" but in reality they are too scared or lazy.  I really am waiting for some things to fall into place before I out myself.  I am actually quite anxious to reveal my change in beliefs because a) I feel incredibly free and little ridiculous for not figuring it out sooner and wish others could share in this liberty and  b) I am getting annoyed at having to go along with people's assumptions of my "saved" status.  Notice I said "having to go along with assumptions" and not "pretending to be a Christian?"  This is because I don't pretend.  It was actually four years ago that I stopped reading the Bible, praying, taking communion, etc.  No one's noticed.  I didn't become an atheist then and therefore, I still attended church because at that time, I was only starting to doubt and I hoped that I would learn the answers to my questions at church.  I only actually seriously considered the thought, "What if there is no God?" this past summer and decided, confidently enough to tell my husband, that there is no God, in December.  In the past four years, not much has changed outwardly from me being a doubting, non-practicing Christian to an Athiest.  I don't pray or read the Bible, I don't talk to anyone about God, Jesus, church, etc, yet they all assume I'm a Christian just because I haven't said otherwise.

That works for now, but I am still anxious for the people around me to know the real me, not the person they assume I am. However, that will have to wait for now.  For now, I will simply write here what I think, about anything really, but since my being an atheist is so fresh, it or the like will probably come up most often.  You've been warned.

Anyway, thanks for stopping by and I hope you'll find any posts that follow to be worth your attention.  I welcome your comments and as I'm quite new to this way of life, I appreciate any words of wisdom, thought provoking statements, suggestions, encouraging comments and/or new things that I can learn.

My mind is now waaayy open.

Yours,

Autumn Wild